7 Excuses Why You Should Drink Alcohol During Pregnancy

Pregnant woman having alcohol (wine).Drinking alcohol during pregnancy may be harmful to your baby. It’s funny, how everyone agrees studies stating alcohol is bad for health and kills people, but makes weird statements about alcohol not being harmful to a baby.

Statistics are sad. Study shows problems, related to fetal exposure to alcohol (problems may vary from heavy to almost undetectable, though) occurring near 1% of all births in the US. Based on statistics, around 12% of women confess using alcohol during pregnancy, we can tell problems occur in around 1 – 8 per cent of cases. It all depends on how many alcohol is used and in which part of pregnancy it is used.

We don’t need a permission to drink alcohol. We need an excuse!

Giving up using alcohol is one of the hardest things to do when becoming pregnant. There’s a reason why alcohol is considered to be addictive. It has resulted in several discussions and even medical staff recommending having a glass of red wine every now and then to “release stress”. There are tons of reasons why alcohol is okay during pregnancy, however, they only serve a function of an excuse, not real evidence:

  • One drink will not do any harm. Yes, I can agree to that. On occasional drink probably will not. Odds are quite low. But they are still there and why do you need them? If you want just one occasional drink, I assume you are not addicted. Then I don’t see an actual problem avoiding it. Having a one occasional drink is like new parents going on a theater. We beg our parents to watch after their grandchildren, go to a theater, have some fun, and for the rest of our lives (rest of our parenting career) we are dying to do it again. But we can’t and we know it. So, one drink – it probably won’t do harm (despite the fact scientists were not able to tell the amount when alcohol is considered to be harmless), but it’s avoidable.
  • Red wine expands blood vessels. This must be resulting in lower blood pressure and higher amount of oxygen and nutrients fetus receives. I’ve checked it with a medical professional, and yes, there is  logic in the argument, however, effect lasts for few hours. So, your baby gets extra oxygen for a couple of hours, complemented with toxins from alcohol. Dunno about you, but this does not sound like a nice deal to me.
  • Alcohol is the least you must be concerned about. Exhaust gases, passive smoking, E numbers in food, pollution in drinking water and even sugar, which happens to occur in any product labeled as “no added sugar” product. With all those poisons we get exposed to every day, alcohol is a drop in the sea. We might discuss the size of the drop and the sea, but, do you need that drop? There are things we can avoid, and things we can’t, it’s not just about alcohol. Quit smoking? Excellent! Chose an organic food? Good! There’s no need to avoid drinking to  still be a winner. But avoiding it, you are becoming even a bigger winner. Or smaller loser.
  • Not fulfilling the need of drinking is greater damage than a glass of wine. I read this argument recently on a forum. It was from a woman stating her husband, sick, old bastard, prevents her from drinking since they found out about the pregnancy. The truth is, if not having alcohol is doing damage to her, she’s having a serious drinking problem, and it does not even matter anymore (except in how many persons she is killing) whether she’s pregnant or not.
  • I have a friend who drinks a lot and who (Or, I know many alcoholics who) gave birth to a totally healthy baby. There are two things. The fact that the baby is breathing and has one head, does not mean he’s “totally health”. The damage may expose itself even several decades after the birth. Second, investigation of one case does not tell anything. Statistics above state that everything is fine in more cases than something goes wrong. It’s like jumping off a cliff. In most cases everything is fine, but it’s still a very dangerous activity.
  • Kids having an alcoholic partyAlcohol relaxes your body. Yes, one drink is relaxing, and I hope we are still talking about one drink. Problem is, it relaxes your body, but a fetus inside you is not that relaxed. The dose he gets is a bit (lot) higher than one drink. And it’s not relaxing at all. It’s damaging.
  • Many women are drinking a lot before they find out about the pregnancy. They still have healthy babies. If you agree to sentences above, you should check the statistics again. You can’t judge by one or few cases. Besides that, biggest problems occur because of alcohol usage in the first trimester.

By writing all of the above, I do not want to sound like a saint who never drinks alcohol and who says, “Alcohol is killing us and degrading the youth.” It sure is easier for me, as I’m a man. I can easily have a drink or few, and it won’t harm me (that’s what they say), or my baby. Unless I drink too much and my wife kicks my ass. But that’s a different story.

I just think there are some cases, like pregnancy, when you should not have alcohol, and if you have it, weigh the odds and take a responsible decision instead of weird excuses.

Posted in Pregnancy | Leave a comment

Accept Your Kid When He’s Not Acting Like a Grownup

Normal behaviot of kid feeding the dogAs a parent of a two year old girl, I have already accepted the fact kids are not grownup. Most of the time it feels natural to me that kids are kids, and I don’t expect a grownup behavior from them.

However, by visiting some of my friends I have discovered, not all parents are like me. Many of them do expect their kids to act like grownups. It may come as a surprise to many of them, when kids pour corn flakes all over the floor, spills milk on clothes while drinking it or pulls a cat by its tail.

Kids are Kids and They Act Like Kids

Actually, all of the above (except pulling the cat) is 100% normal behavior of kids and parents just have two options to choose from.

  • Option A – to disallow everything and yell at them whenever they break the rules. This means you have to pour cornflakes in a bowl, drink milk and hug a cat for your kid. Creates a lot of involvement from your side, but the floor is still clean.
  • Option B -let your kids express themselves as they like. This means a lot of laundry and cleaning after them. Remember, it’s important, this still does not mean you do not have to be involved in his activities. Most of thing your kids do still require your help or at least supervision.

My point is not like by choosing option A your kid will grow up and won’t be able to fill a glass with wine without spilling it all over the table. Trust me, he will learn it easy without your help.

The thing is, choosing option “B” has several benefits:

  • Lower stress. For you. At first it might sound quite the opposite. What do you mean, let kids do whatever they like and have no stress? Someone call the Orphans’ court! Get this straight. Right  the moment you start to accept your kid is still a kid, you won’t worry about their behavior. Just clean after and don’t get mad. I know it’s hard, especially for fathers. Practice shall make you better.
  • Boosting kid’s self esteem. If you allow your kid to fill a bowl with cornflakes, drink milk without a straw on its own or solve the puzzle in a “wrong” (from your perspective) way, he will be able to face the success and his self esteem will definitely rise. I guess it must pay back later in his life. But don’t expect a “Tank You!” from him.
  • Faster Learning. It’s the best part. By letting your kid do things, you are granting him a practice necessary to become an independent person. Vacuum cornflakes from floor 100+ times, and voila! Your kid is able to pour them in without dropping a piece. Without your help. And isn’t that what all of us want the most?

 

Posted in Upbringing | Leave a comment

How to walk the fine line between spoiling your child and being a despot

As a father to a 1 year old girl, I kinda understand my baby does not want to do any harm, when drawing on my documents or pulling a cat behind its tail. She is not aware she’s doing something bad, so prohibition would make her upset. On the other hand, allowing everything she wants would not feel right either.

Then how on earth could I know the fine line between being a bad father or spoiling my baby girl? It’s not easy.

“To disallow” should not mean “to punish”

Let me tell you story how I reacted when my baby girl started to cry for something that I did not want to allow.

We were both out sledging. As it was bit cold outside I did not want her to sit in a sledge for too long, so she would not get cold. I took her out and put behind the sledge. This way she could pull it and walk beside it as we done it million times before. Physical activity would not allow her to get cold.

However, that particular day she did not want it. All she wanted was to sit in. We both started arguing what is best for her. Of course, she did not understand and started to cry. Not only cry. It sounded horrible. Hopefully no one saw it. Might have had to do business with law authorities.

To be honest, I became angry. I wanted to pick her up and take home as a punishment.

A punishment?!? For what? For a 1 year old baby girl asking to do what she wants the most? She’s already crying. Isn’t that bad already?

So I started to think clearly and stood behind her, put my hand on her hands on the sledge and started to push them (both). While slowly moving forward, I started to make wired noises. Like a train leaving a station, I was honking with my mouth and banging my legs against the ground to make a clapping sound.

Soon the tears started to decrease, and it was not long until a smile appeared (even though I was behind her, I noticed it). She really liked what we were doing together, and no need to mention she forgot she wanted to get in a sledge.

However, I put her in after she got warm from the movement. After-all, it was what she wanted, and I like being a good father. Besides, this time she got it without crying.

Fun stuff helps to forget bad stuff

I am so happy I did not take her crying home. She would be devastated. And I did not allow her cry to achieve something with crying. That would be a bad lesson learned.

So, what can we learn from this story?

If a baby cries, don’t allow what he wants just to make peace. It will easily spoil your kid. But being a jerk who disallows everything (even if it’s playing with a knife) would make you baby confused why you did so.

I would suggest switching your baby’s attention to something else. Something that is real fun. Probably something that you have never (or recently) done. Unexperienced things grab attention better.

You soon will realize how happy your baby is, and how he already forgot the bad thing he just wanted. And so you’ll be able to walk the fine line between being a jerk and spoiling your kid.

Posted in Upbringing | Leave a comment

Don’t be Afraid of Used Baby Stuff and Borrow it for Free Whenever Possible

When expecting a baby there is an urgent need to buy everything from the start. And everything has to be new, of course. After all, we want to be the best parents to our babies don’t we?

Baby Clothes However, I would suggest slowing down a bit and trying a different approach. There is a plenty of time to buy everything (mostly about 8 months after you find out about pregnancy) and the best first steps would be finding out what can you get for free. In example, a bed, bath, clothes and lots of other stuff.

Where to get free baby stuff?

If you have relatives or friends who have kids, there are tons of free stuff. All you have to do is ask. There are many things that become unnecessary as the kids grow up. Why wouldn’t we give a second life to those things?

Are you a bit worried your baby won’t get the best because of used stuff?

Well, let me tell you a secret – baby doesn’t give a damn about origins of his stuff. He does not care if he has old or new Versace suit on. As long as it’s Versace.

It’s us, grownups who care, but it’s time to get over it. Because there are some benefits of getting a free baby stuff.

Benefits of borrowing baby stuff

Number one is, of course, money. A lot! A single set of clothes might be very pricey, but you will need several sets and will have to get new ones occasionally as your baby outgrows them. Besides that, those are just clothes. There are beds, strollers, diaper bins, monitor devices, feeding chairs… and on… changing tables, ear plugs (for you), car seats, baby carriers… and I will stop now. I don’t think I have to prove caring for baby cots money.

But there is one more huge advantage when you borrow baby stuff. It saves space. And I think it matters even if you have a large house with numerous chambers where to put boxes of unnecessary stuff.

If you borrow something, you have a possibility to give it back when you don’t need it anymore. And it does not have to bi big like bed or stroller to save space. Every little thing counts.

In example, when our baby girl grew up a bit we had a large box of unfit clothes. We were relived we did not have to find a spot for them. We just gave it back to my sister, and it was hers problem – not mine.

There is one large drawback of borrowing baby clothes and stuff. You should lend only from someone who does not mind if you ruin it. Possibility of clothes getting unwashable stains is high. It’s not so common with other stuff, but the risk still stays.

You have to be sure you will be able to tell it to the owner without ruining your relationships. Those people might be close relatives and friends. Especially those who are not planning to have kids anytime soon again.

Photo By Crystl.

Posted in Baby Stuff | Leave a comment

Can You Trust Home Precgancy Test Results?

would you trust the positive pregnancy test?“We are pregnant… Or maybe not… At least the pregnancy test is saying we are!” I clearly remember the disbelief in pregnancy test results when expecting our baby.

How can you believe a plastic gimcrack or a paper strip? You can’t! You can’t assume that such a life changing moment in your life is true just because you see two lines or even a word reading “pregnant” on a little stick. Or several sticks.

Me and my wife took three different tests. They were all positive. However, it was not enough to start to believe. The fact that the first test we tried had very dim second line was not helping. We needed more proof.

Like a doctor’s confirmation, belly growth, birth of a child… Yes, yes. We started (just started) to believe about a week after the birth of our baby girl. And we think it is normal. Child’s entry in our daily routine is a massive life changing event. You may read about it, you may pretend how it would be, but you’ll never truly know it before it happens.

But there is one thing I have learned about home pregnancy tests. No matter how thin or dim that second line is – it is there. And that is true.

Photo by hairgeek.

Posted in Pregnancy | Tagged | Leave a comment